lonesome birthday

i'm turning 24 tomorrow.

i was so excited to get that japanese chef knife, that fellow ekg matte white kettle,

- so excited to buy my own birthday gift this year.

mom calls me a few days later and asks, "so what do you want for your birthday?"

oh yeah, thanks mom. i send her the chef knife amazon link.

then today, i finally decide to go to the fellow store and drop 150 on the kettle, until i get messages from my coworkers that they want me to come over. just for a little bit.

and i'm like nah this is my day off i'm not even supposed to be texting you i'm spending the day by my lonesome.

i knew they had dropped hella hints earlier but i just doubted that they would do such a thing for me. we're just coworkers right? fellow kettles are expensive.

so i go back and forth and decide to cross the bridge anyways, like so long mofos its my day off, yall can cash me at fellow sf 820 Valencia St, San Francisco, CA 94110.

so i'm like driving on the bridge and texting them "oops i'm already in the city sorry" acting dumb and they get all frustrated, thinking the surprise is ruined blablabla.

then i get all insecure and hard on myself, like why do you make it soo difficult on other people to be friends with you? why can't you just let them buy the kettle?

why can't you just let them in????

and now i feel guilty. like i burned down the bay bridge.

"Just Don't Buy Anything Okay", my coworker texts me.

"Oh. Okay."

yeah they got the kettle.


who woulda thought that birthdays could be like this. why must i must ponder loneliness on my birthday.

i guess i had gotten so used to living life on my lonesome that i wasn't expecting anything from anyone. just so ready to buy myself my own birthday gift. blowing candles by my lonesome.


time to make friends.

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